We just returned from a two-day stay in Stillwater, Minnesota for our late 10-year anniversary trip. Mr. I was in a good space, allowing us to make quick plans and run for it, thanks to my amazing parents.
This life of battling, understanding, and adapting to your child's needs puts a strain on marriages, and it takes a strong bond to keep them intact. I'm thankful for finding my person. It has NEVER been easy. We booked a very nice location and did nothing but relax, sleep, and eat. The sirens went off and we couldn't help but continue to watch the lighting shoot through the sky as the raindrops hit our faces. A brief moment of freedom and calm. We had a private rooftop overlooking the lift bridge in a three-story building. Our main level consisted of the kitchen, bathroom, and dining area on the second floor. The next level up was a loft area for our bedroom and bathroom, which led to our private rooftop, where we watched the storms roll in. We were given time to reconnect with some long-lost friends whom we had not seen in a few years. With our family's challenges, it is difficult to make and keep friends. A life most do not understand. It was a much-needed break.
Back to reality again! We are working hard to complete our home upgrades and repairs from previous storms. We are currently finishing up our main-level bathroom upgrade and gutting our basement due to water damage. Jesse is currently in a good phase with his myasthenia gravis, so we are doing everything we can to finish our projects before the heat kicks in and wipes him out again. (The reason for my temporary disappearance is that I am here and we are just finishing up the "honey-do list").
As for me, I am starting fresh after exhaustion. However, my mind flooded again as soon as I returned. The emotions of my oldest graduating and leaving for college in the coming weeks have made me reflect on my younger years. Where did the time go? I feel so happy for him. If I am honest, I feel so much sadness too. I feel like with all of our problems at home, I have lost a lot of time with my other children. My heart hurts in so many ways, but it also feels so happy. I can not get back those years. I know I did my best with the circumstances I was given. I was a good mother, and he has a sound mind. However, I can not help but feel like I missed out on some important moments in his life, and he is now grown. There were many times when I had to watch from a distance while caring for another child who needed me. I intend to discuss this further in the near future.
I have decided to prioritize overall happiness. I have learned to adapt to this lifestyle. It was not until I learned to adapt to this life that I was able to relieve the stress of trying to live a life that was not intended for me. I am a special parent with a special child, but I still feel the loss in my heart. I simply mourn the passing of time. I missed spending time with my husband, family, friends, and children as they grew up. Time in my own life and experiences that I was unable to have. I am always so busy pushing through the day as a super mom that it takes moments like this to pause and process. It is not easy, but I would not change anything. I enjoy my life and large family.